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You state that, "Right now, you can only get BuddyPress on WordpressMU, Automattic’s hosted service for publishing multiple blogs." That makes it seem like you have to sign up with Automattic on their hosted WordPress.com service to use BuddyPress.
Did you mean instead that the BuddyPress plugin (that's what it actually is) works currently only with WPMU? If so, that is correct. Perhaps BuddyPress will function with single-user WP in the future.
The fact is that right now, BuddyPress is ready to go. Anyone can download WPMU install it on their own server, and then install BuddyPress. There's no requirement to use WordPress.com, to use one of Automattic's hosting services. It's all open source and all free.
The only thing they have is there's nothing else that's out of the box (so to speak) working that someone can just install and use.
I do not recommend using BuddyPress at all. I know a minimal of 3 people who lost their accounts on their shared-hosting servers because of BuddyPress's extreme usage.
Maybe in future releases they will streamline everything to the point where it's not such a strain, but right now it's not worth it unless you can afford your own vps or dedicated.
Many of the functions that are called multiple times on the page for the same data have their results cached, so with a little more investigation you'll see this makes no difference. It's the same as calling get_option( 'var' ) multiple times.
If your friends lost their accounts it's their own fault. For one, WordPress MU (that is required for BuddyPress) needs at least a VPS to run. Of course it is going to kill a shared server.